Still beating my head against the wall

What to do, what to do. I don't know what to do anymore. Being pro-active hasn't been working, and feeling sorry for myself hasn't helped either, in fact, its actually done the opposite of what I'm trying to accomplished. I'm not surprised. The only choice I really have is going back to being pro-active, since I've gained almost 15 lbs!! That's right 15 lbs! I'm over 200 lbs again and it makes me sick. I feel like crap and I look like crap. Every day I want to cry when I see myself in the mirror, so lets not do that anymore.

I've been reading this book called "Eat for Life" By Dr. Joel Fuhrman. He promotes a vegetarian diet. I've thought about vegetarianism before, in fact I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it here before. I haven't tried it yet so why not, right? I mean what do I have to lose at this point. I"m only getting fatter right now. That's NOT what I want to do. So lets see what happens. If nothing else its WAY healthier. If I can't be thin I at least want to be healthy.

I think I might cancel my gym membership. I haven't been going and its pretty expensive. My Irish Step Dancing class will be starting up again soon and this year I'd like to also to do Ballet. I've always wanted to do ballet. I wouldn't do the recital, because who wants to see a fat ballerina, but I think it would be good for me. Plus once the girl is back in school, hopefully I can get back on my elliptical everyday, like I was doing. so that's quite a lot of exercise, I don't really need the gym too. Well I do, but Its hard to find the time and I'd rather spend the money on dance classes.

Maybe If I can actually keep up on writing here it will be an encouragement to keep up with my mission. That's a hard thing to do as well, its so hard to find the time!